pat loughery

Just a few weeks ago I was honored to be able to officiate the wedding ceremony for my dear friend Paul and his lovely new bride, Tracy.

They wrote their vows for this ceremony, and I thought they were excellent vows. Both have been married before, and both have children – so they chose to make vows to each other and also vows to their new spouse’s child(ren). I’ve never seen that set of vows done before, but the effect was fantastic.

The vows they made to each other were these:

I, _____ , take you, ______, to be my [husband/wife], my constant friend, my partner, my love and my lover. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner when our lives are at peace and when they are in turmoil, in times of joy and in times of sorrow. I promise to love you passionately and compassionately, to comfort and encourage you, to laugh with you and cry with you. From the depths of my being, I will grow with you in mind and in spirit. I will honor our marriage as a means to grow into all that God created me to be and for us to be together. I give you this, with my whole heart, for all eternity.

I love this. I love their recognition that life has ups and downs, and I especially love their willingness to help each other grow as individuals of faith and as a marriage based on faith.

But my favorite part of the ceremony was the second set of vows. Paul made vows to Tracy’s daughter, and Tracy made the same vows to Paul’s daughter and son.

This is what they vowed. I’m using Paul’s vow as the example, but you can translate for the other side, I’m sure.

____, I promise to always to treat you with great care, love, and respect. I will give you encouragement and guidance and will always be there for you in any way I can. I promise to support you in your relationship with both your mother and father and I will listen with all my heart to your joys and your sorrows as your constant friend and support. I also promise to model for you a positive, loving and supportive relationship with your Mom with the belief that one day you too will find such happiness in love. I will do all I can to be the best model of Jesus Christ’s love for you, knowing that you will find true, abundant life in God. I can’t wait to be your step-Dad.

When Paul and Tracy emailed these vows to me, I was blown away. Reading them, I loved them, and loved their hearts as parents and step-parents. And when, during the ceremony, I read the vow so that they could repeat me (while kneeling in front of their new step-child), I had a hard time not tearing up and getting through it. I know much of their stories as a new family, and so I know something of why they chose to say these words. But most importantly, I know how powerful it was for those children to hear and to know what their parent and step-parent were committing to for life.

Weddings are often sacred moments, but this one – this one was the best example of a holy moment that I’ve been able to participate in. And those vows – both sets – did so much to make the ceremony so powerful.