pat loughery

It’s a hard time to blog right now. I’m in a tailspin of emotion, self-criticism, stress and on top of all that it’s Easter.

My hope in blogging was to put words to the practice of church planting, emerging church and suburban life. I still don’t know of anybody else in the blogosphere who’s a practitioner, struggling with emergent-cy and not in an urban setting, though I’m sure they’re out there and I’m not making the connections. But the challenge of doing this is that as a practitioner, my challenges are both my own internal struggles which oftentimes aren’t helpful to blog about, and my external struggles often have names, lives, families, and it doesn’t work for me to say, “I’m really trying to figure out what to do with this person who’s not really connected with the church but feels he is”, or “this person is really ticking everybody off”, or … hopefully you get the point. The farther we get into the cocreation of this church, the less I can blog about it.

My main challenge right now is in the area of leadership. Some parts of my current working style aren’t working for our church; we’ve got a transition happening among those we’ve called to lead, and I’m recognizing again (or more) the ways that I stink as a leader.

I’ve been in a lot of despair and anger, mostly at myself because I can’t seem to climb out of the morass. It’s been months and months since I wanted to quit, but I’ve been headed toward that sense of frustration. I know I can’t and won’t quit; it’s just surprising to me how I turn my frustration toward that non-option.

It’s funny – every prophetic word I’ve gotten in the last few months has included the theme “you’re called to do this”, “this is a confirmation of God’s call”, that sort of thing. Until recently I thought that was funny, as I was feeling pretty good. Thank God he continues to work on that sense within me, for such times as this.

I woke up this morning at 4:45am with Kaileigh crying, having a bad dream. After I got up to bring her in to our bed, I couldn’t get back to sleep. My head was spinning; I was trying to sleep and let it all go but simply couldn’t. But I did continually hear this: “nextreformation.com”. Weird. I read that blog.

So, giving up on my restful sleep, I stumbled out to my office and fired up the browser. Here’s what Len’s posting about on nextreformation.com:

Nehemiah: A Parable for Emerging Churches

The article hits close to home – it looks at the story of Ezra and Nehemiah and compares it to the environment in which we live today, and includes great little zingers that are piercing me:

“Who has despised the day of small things?” In our time the LORD is shaking all things that can be shaken, and many churches are experiencing profound discomfort. Leaders don’t know how to lead. People don’t know who to follow. Old lenses no longer provide perspective. We lack vision. The wine is bursting the old skins, because it is the LORD’s intention that no structure that limits His purpose shall stand.

and

If we are looking for popularity or to build a following, going off in new directions isn’t likely to give us what we seek. If we are looking to walk in faithfulness to the call of the Lord, and to respond to what we see Him doing, we are likely to be misunderstood and even rejected by those established in authority. It’s not a fun place to be. But we will be sowing the seeds of the future, and if we keep our hope fixed on God we will eventually experience the fruit of our labor.

and

Change is messy, and few of us readily embrace chaos, confusion and uncertainty. These dynamics challenge us to surrender, to sit still and admit we are powerless, and allow new ways of doing and being to arise. Frequently we feel that we are off the map, and our cultural ethos of leadership tells us that leaders always know where they are and where they are going. Take a look at John the Baptist. He was the greatest transitional leader in history, and he had doubts. (See also “Kingdom Leadership in Postmodern Culture”.

I’ve got some more reading to do. And a LOT more praying to do. But I think I’m beginning to see a lot at the end of this particular tunnel.

I also had just finished the sermon series I was working on and I was sensing no guidance from Jesus as to what to teach through next. I had a lot of options that our leaders have suggested for what we ought to do next, but nothing seemed like it was next.

I’m praying more today, but it looks like it’s time for Ezra/Nehemiah.