It’s hard to know what to say today. I’m trying to cast myself into the Lord’s arms, but I feel like I’m walking around in a pea-soup of generic comfort with nothing tangible out there. Hugs and tears from friends and family, yes; God’s voice echoing through my soul like thunder, no.
I started reading C. S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed again last night, and as much as it helped me when my dad died and as much as I treasure the book, it’s not the same. Lewis lost his bride; we lost hopes and dreams, possibilities. Little shapes on an ultrasound screen with flashing heartbeats and heartbeat sounds that Kaileigh heard and thought somebody was knocking on the door.
Once again, the Already and the Not-Yet.
“You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you.”
– C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
Again today my prayer is the song. Dwell in the midst of us / Wipe all the tears from our faces
pat loughery 
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